It has been 14 months since I last posted on my website and Instagram. In that time, I have often felt the urge to start again, but I suppose I would remember why I stopped and get stuck in the cycle all over again. Why did I stop? When I lost my cousin Tim (which I went into detail about back in September 2015) everything felt like it changed. My anxiety increased, my health decreased, my belief in myself disappeared. It wasn’t until facing recent anxiety challenges that I realized I shouldn’t have abandoned such a healthy outlet. My goal is and has always been to help others who experience pain and chronic illness like I do. I have realized I am unable to do that if I’m not taking care of myself. Sometimes, I feel unable to do so, overcome with pain, anxiety, & depression. It has taken me a while to realize, that’s when I need to be most kind to myself and put wellness at the top of my priority list. The last 14 months have had small peaks and big valleys and it’s only recently, after putting my health first (I’ll talk about that more in future posts), that I’ve started to feel consistently better. The point of all of this is, I don’t think I’m the only one to fall apart in hard times; This is the third time I’ve started over with this blog, my podcast, and my social media presence. Pain increasing as the body is stressed emotionally, physically, & spiritually happens to us all. Anxiety manifesting itself in a way in which I shut down and feel incapable of doing anything because I’m buried by “what’s wrong” is not a singular experience. However, since pain and chronic illness is an isolating experience, I feel it’s common to think, I’m going through this alone. I’m back to say that I’ve realized I don’t need to have chronic pain figured out completely before being able to help others. Providing that help and being supported by the chronic illness community has been a benefit I can’t even explain, so it’s only to my detriment to have gone radio silent. Mastering my health is something that is going to take my lifetime and I don’t want that lifetime passing by without sharing what I do know with other people. So, future posts to come about “what I do know”, and it won’t be another 14 months, I promise.
Sending positive vibes,